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If Dogs Could Talk…

If Dogs Could Talk
   
Try to understand this:  You see, my FUR keeps me warm. Your sweaters only serve to insult me.
If the choice is between prison and playing dress up with you, I choose prison.
Though I have provided all the evidence in the world, perhaps I should take this time to state a certain fact explicitly:  I am a DOG.  I am NOT a CHILD.
Please remind me why I’m supposed to love you.
I give you everything I have to give and you still wish I were a Dalmatian.
I wish your husband had taken me with him when he left.
If I had hands I’d strangle you.
I suppose it could have been worse.  You could’ve put me in a hair net so I’d look exactly like you do in the mornings.  Oh… wait… you did.
What is wrong with you.  Seriously.  Did you not get enough love as a child?  Is your world so completely devoid of meaning that you think dressing me as a flower is a form of care taking?  I hope the house gets burgled tonight.   And when it does, you know what?   I’m not even going to bark, because FLOWERS can’t bark!
Oy vey. If only Moses would have left in that 11th Commandment:  "Thou shall not desecrate one’s pet."
I wonder how many of these I have to slip into her water to end the torment.
Very cute.  You come up with that yourself?
Look, I’m barely a dog.  I have enough identity issues without you dressing me up as a cheetah.   And in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not Tarzan.
You are doing your best to ruin what self-esteem I have left.
And I thought the bunny suit was bad… What am I now?  A Dogglebee?  A Dogfly?  Please stop. Please.  I beg you.
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16 responses »

  1. LOL!!!I loved those!
     
    Hope you are well.

    Reply
  2. I think that every dog, no matter its size is at heart, a wolf. So while these are funny, I think that if we could truily read the dog\’s mind it would say "I\’m going to rip your throat out and than eat you" Why would anyone do this kind of thing to a poor defenceless animal?
    T.

    Reply
  3. Too funny!!!  In the mind of a dog.  And your video too.  I wonder if they\’ll watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre again.
    Not me.

    Reply
  4. wendy:
    Sorry for the long post but this is the kind of thing you seem to love so I thought i would past it along.
    Cheers,
    Terry (BTW this is not my story I got it from a friend on my space)
    One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd." I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. " They really should get lives. "He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he ha d gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday! " He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn\’t me having to get up there and speak Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you\’ll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach…but mostly your friends… I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story." I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn\’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person\’s life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

    Reply
  5. One of our dogs has a costume.  he is a cowboy and wore his costume for Halloween.  He seemed very proud of himself and loved the attention. 

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  6. Hi Rosebay.. how are you doing??  Nice doggy costumes.. some people have too much time on their hands!!
    Take care..
    Virtual Hugs.

    Reply
  7. Gotta love those costumes. It is wild what people come up with for costumes for their best friends. LOL

    Reply
  8. The hot dog costume is PRICELESS!!  LMFAO!!
     
    HUGS!!  🙂
    Alicia

    Reply
  9. LOL….the pictures and the sayings to go with them are priceless….so is the video.  I know I\’ll always be pleasantly entertained when I come to your space…..thanks bunches!!
    Hugs….Diane.

    Reply
  10. You saved the best pic for last!  LOL!  Gotta love those dogs in costumes!  Wendy the Good Witch…I am cracking up!

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  11. So cute!  Did you come up with the sayings yourself?  They gave me a good giggle, thank you ~hugs~

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  12. I loved those!  How cute!Thank you for the E card you sent to me.  It was beautiful!

    Reply
  13. Hi,
     
    Love the video you have playing.  Rolled out of my chair laughing. I love dogs too, but not sure I want them all dressed up like those posted. lol
     
    Thanks for stopping by.
     
    Enjoy,
    Ed

    Reply
  14. Say hello to you, miss you,I love your all pictures !

    Reply
  15. Hi Rosebay,
    I love the price tag removing video. It\’s right up my humor alley .. lol.
    ~Nooner~

    Reply
  16. Poor dumb animals. And they say "we are the ones with the brains"….!!!!   Ha ha ha ha hahhhh !!  Yeah right….

    Reply

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