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A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers.  These were voted the top ten quotes from the Dilberts who inhabit our world …


I am sure I have done business with most of these companies and…. sigh …will again …will again! I think the one from USPO should have won first place!!

As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."   (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."  (Lykes Lines Shipping)

E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."  (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it."  (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."  (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months.  Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them."   (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)< /DIV>

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."  (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."   (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)


11 responses »

  1. love the pics and the fireworks dog! What a hoot! Enjoyed the quotes too….I hope, as a supervisor I havent made any of those!
    Speaking of, if you ever decide to move to Canada (the better half of the world!), you would make a perfect slave driving boss!… me a favor….STAY THERE….ONES ENOUGH!
    Take care.

  2. Welcome Back!!  That video is priceless….glad the little doggie didn\’t get hurt.
    You didn\’t miss much while you were away…..blogland has been very quiet, what with Canada and the US having a long weekend at the same time…lol.
    I can\’t believe that those stupid quotes were made by people that run companies…that\’s a scary thought…lol.  Especially the funeral one.

  3. Hi Wendy!
    I would recommend, "Nothing\’s Too Good for my Baby."  Let me know what you think!!
    HUGS!!  🙂

  4. That video is something else.  And the Dilbert quotes are so funny.  This perked up my totally too busy day.

  5. OH wow I can\’t believe the little dog kept wagging his tail with all that going on LOL.  I also just read your previous blog, sounds like alot of work you have ahead of yourself.  Here\’s hoping it sells quickly 🙂

  6. My gosh!  Some of those "Dilbert" bosses are real "winners", aren\’t they!  
    Thanks for the kind words you left this morning on my blog.  Your thoughts are very true.
    I was in the Republic of South Africa, right down on the southern tip, in the city of Port Elizabeth, which is right on the Indian Ocean, about 700 km east of Cape Town.  I did get to visit Cape Town and go up to the top of Table Mountain, which was a blast.  Also went on a day safari and was among wild elephants, zebras, and ostriches on a game reserve.

  7. Oh, that video KILLED me! I couldn\’t decide whether to laugh or be worried for the little guy!
    As far as the quotes go… my husband works for Microsoft. I can TOTALLY see that first one happening. Too funny.

  8. Boy, Those are great little quotes.  I use to have a boss who use to say that perception was reality.  I posted a sign at my desk which stated\’
    "Perception is a tool for those to lazy to find the truth"
    After he read that he asked me if that was for him, I told him that if he wanted it to be than I was okay with it.  He laughed and I never heard him say it again.   I am sitting here with a big ole shit eating grin about it just thinking about it.

  9. OMG – the fireworks dog had me LOL – but thank goodness no one, or the dog, was hurt!  WooHoo!!!

  10. hehehehe, those were brilliant!
    I hope your keeping well!
    The Misfit

  11. Tooooo funny!  And the truth is that these people that said these things are high-powered executives that make a shit ton of money and they don\’t even realize how ignorant they sound. 
    Thank goodness I don\’t work for anybody that dumb.  (just in case DeWitte reads this) hehehe


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