Federal judge orders ‘rock-paper-scissors’ to settle dispute
Tampa, Florida (AP) — A federal judge in Tampa seems to think a game of ‘rock- paper- scissors’ will settle a dispute.
In an order, U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell scolded lawyers for their inability to agree on a location where they can take the sworn statement of a witness in an insurance lawsuit.
Presnell ordered both sides to meet at a neutral location at 4 p.m. June 30th to play a round of the hand-gesture game often used to settle childhood disputes. If they can’t agree on the neutral location, they’ll play on the steps of the federal courthouse.
The winner gets to choose the location for the witness statement.
If the loser disputes the game’s outcome, that lawyer can appeal to the judge at a hearing on July seventh.
Rock-paper-scissors has become serious competitive business in recent years, with regional tournaments determining the players in a world championship.
Anyone want to play?
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to babysit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be jailed for contempt!"