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 * If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?


 * I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.


 * If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you’re ahead"?


 * Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?


 * What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?


 * I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.


 * I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.


 * I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps  toothpicks?


 * How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn’t live there?


 * Why not modern Latin: VENI, VEDI, VISA – I came, I saw, I shopped.


 * If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?


 * STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.


 * You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.


 * Clones are people two.


 * If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?


 * Go ahead and take risks….just be sure that everything will turn out OK.


 * No one ever says "It’s only a game," when their team is winning.


 * As I said before, I never repeat myself!


 * If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.


 * Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?


 * Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.


 * Think "honk" if you’re telepathic.


 * Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.


 * If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?


 * If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?


 * I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I’d be gone. I said, "The whole time."


 * So what’s the speed of dark?


 * After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?


 * Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?


 * If you’re sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?


 * I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.


 * Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?


 * Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?


 * Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?


 * Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?


 * Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?


 * How come abbreviated is such a long word?


 * If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?


 * Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?


 * Why are they called buildings, when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?


5 responses »

  1. hugsssssssssssssssss my dear Rose,Some very good questions. lol Happy Holidays. Have a great day

  2. rotflmfao. Thank you. I needed to laugh. Oh to answer this question: * What hair color do they put on the driver\’s licenses of bald men? (Looking at my license it says…..nothing. It doesn\’t have hair color. lol. lol. But my eyes are still brown. *wink* *wink*

  3. I accept \’baldy\’ only from my special friends. Guess what? You\’re one of them. hugssssssssssssss.

  4. I do not have breast cancer. Happy Dance goin\’ on here. Thank God for it. Only fibrocystic disease due to lack of hormones, from aging…Missy

  5. How fun! There are some really cute things to think about–good for a pre-bedtime grin. 🙂 I\’m ready for some SUN! How about you?We just updated pictures and blog and… everything! I put up wedding pictures of Scooter\’s Daddy and me, if you\’re interested… 😀


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